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September 2005
Gashes pouring flash before my eyes
No matter how tight I shut them closed
They just get redder
They come when the tears will not
Also when they should not
It’s irrelevant though
I cannot live the flashes
The life inside me says no
The life I made says no
But the life with which I share
Just makes the flashes come
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June 2006
Fighting the nasty that comes from within
Wants me cutting and ripping my skin
It comes from inside my brain
From behind the wall that hides my pain
It tells me I need the relief of a razor
I plead and it mocks, ‘no need, says her!’
It knows I cannot escape its clutch
Fighting forever, the pressure becomes too much
Will I win?
Will I beat it?
No I can’t
I’ll never defeat it
But one day God will make it leave me
The nasty that comes will no longer be
NB. God did indeed transform my life and self harm is no longer apart of it. Whoop whoop!